can't face it...

here we are, months after ii got that first text..."****** is dead..."

ii still can't come to believe it. this is about the third time ii have been home and ii still can't not bring it to light. ii can't do my usual drive bys just to catch him outside before ii turn onto my block... ii can't do my usual drive bys to invite him to the nites events... ii can't do my usual drive bys just to see his face. he is gone, taken away from me, and his family--the poor people. ii can't even imagine how his mom is dealing with it all, if you even call it dealing. it's more like accepting...accepting that he will never be back. no more memories, no more stories, no more lust, no more him. everyday ii happen to pass the church were we used to play basketball and pull up to the intersection at van ness and manchester[that of which ii try hard to avoid] ii have to keep myself from tearing up. he was a dear friend to me, a lifelong friend that ii expected to be here with me forever. the tears fall as i continue to type. he is gone forever. ii can't face it. ii can't go see his mom; ii don't know what to sayy. i remember when ii first got word of what had happened, ii didn't know what to feel or how to feel,and ii felt bad because at that point ii had no emotion, i guess ii was just shocked...soon after ii broke down, and now being back at home, ii can't stop feeling... it's not fair how someone you love can just be taken from you like this. and ii only imagine how the girlfriends felt; ii was just a longtime friend and ii was/am/will always be devastated. but ii still can't face it.

the time we spent together will never be forgotten. RIP, love.